When Even "Rest" Doesn't Work: The Really Hard Days
Sometimes none of it works.
You try the shower trick, the recipe testing, the mindful dish washing. Your brain won't engage differently. Everything feels like monitoring. Even the activities that usually help feel like another task to manage, another thing you're failing at.
These are the days when I'm so activated that nothing feels safe or restorative. When I'm running on such empty that even the idea of "giving my brain a different job" feels impossible because I don't have the bandwidth to engage with anything.
I used to think these days meant I was doing rest wrong. Now I know they mean I need a different approach entirely.
What I Do When I'm Too Wired for Any Rest Strategy
I stop trying to rest. Instead, I focus on just getting through:
I make my exhale longer than my inhale. Not as a technique, but because I notice I'm holding my breath when I'm overwhelmed. I do this while I'm doing whatever I have to do—making lunch, answering emails, folding laundry. I'm not trying to fix anything; I'm just trying to breathe.
I move briefly. Shake out my hands. Roll my shoulders. Do three jumping jacks in the bathroom. This isn't about stress cycles or nervous system regulation—it's just that my body feels locked up and movement helps me feel less stuck.
I say out loud what I'm feeling. "I'm overwhelmed." "I'm angry." "I'm scared I can't handle this." Sometimes my brain just needs acknowledgment before it can think about anything else.
I lower the bar on everything. Cereal for dinner. Screen time for the kids. Emails can wait. I'm not failing; I'm triaging. There's a difference.
How I Know When It's More Than Just a Bad Day
A bad day occasionally happens to everyone juggling multiple responsibilities. I feel depleted, nothing works, but I can imagine feeling better tomorrow.
When I'm having more hard days than manageable ones, when I can't remember the last time I felt restored by anything, when even thinking about rest strategies feels exhausting—that's when I know I need more help than I can give myself. Not because I'm failing, but because I might be carrying more than one person reasonably can.
I'm not a therapist, but I've learned that sometimes the issue isn't finding better rest strategies—it's that I actually need to reduce what I'm carrying, not just find better ways to rest while carrying it all.
What I Do the Day After
The day after a really hard day, I don't jump back into trying to optimize my rest. I start smaller:
I notice one thing that didn't make me feel worse
I do one thing that requires no decisions (shower, walk around the block, drink water)
I remind myself that having hard days doesn't mean my rest strategies don't work—it means I'm human
Sometimes the most restful thing I can do is accept that today isn't a day for rest. It's a day for getting through, and that's enough.
I'm not a mental health professional—this is just what I've learned from my own experience as a working parent. If you're consistently struggling, please consider talking to someone qualified to help.
